Be still my heart

I've been very worried about how Will is going to handle the introduction of a baby into his family dynamic. He is very Mommy-centric and some days it can be overwhelming how attached to me he is.  When I've held babies in the past he has freaked out and cried and pulled on me.  He doesn't even like his brother or his father snuggling with me.  He's just a bit of a Momma's boy...just a bit.  

Today he asked for a stuffed Aflac duck from his dresser.  He carried it around happily all day long.  Tonight before bed I wrapped it in his blankie and told him it was his "baby ducky".  He cradled him and rocked him back and forth.  If the blankie fell off he would bring him to me to rewrap.  Trying to swaddle a tiny stuffed duck in a rectangular blankie was really hard, but look how happy it made him!  (he even tried to swaddle him by himself)

Rocking and hugging his baby

After awhile I gave up and went and got out one of their old receiving blankets and swaddled him up.  But he insisted on still wrapping his blankie around him too.  He was so darn sweet.  He would let me hold his baby, but only for a short bit of time before he would ask for him back.  He even let his brother rock him to sleep, but that only lasted a few seconds before he was asking for his baby back.  He even pretended to give him drinks from his sippy cup.  I love that kid!  I asked him if he wanted baby ducky to go to bed with him.  He was very excited about that. 

He laid on my lap before bed with his cup and his swaddled baby.  Notice the blanket AND the blankie.

When it was time to go to bed I asked if they were ready.  He said, "no!" So I told him I was taking baby ducky to bed before him.  He was not happy, but he followed me back the hall.  I put ducky in the crib and he cried and reached for the duck.  Easiest way to get Will to bed, EVER!  He went to bed with a blankie over each shoulder and his baby ducky clutched in his one arm.  It was adorable!  It melted my heart seeing him taking care of his pretend baby all night.  

I'm really hoping that our friends having babies soon will help soften the blow for him.  He can see me holding them and get used to the notion.  This also was a glimmer of hope for me to see how much he liked to care for his pretend baby and how proud he was to get to hold it and carry it around.  I'm wondering if this will carry on into tomorrow.  Will is such a sweet little guy. He has a heart of gold and just loves so big.  He gives hugs and snuggles freely, he shares everything he has with anyone who asks, and his smile could melt a heart of stone.  As excited as I am to gain a new baby into our family I am probably as equally sad to lose my baby boy.  I have already found myself rocking him and crying about losing my baby.  And I thought, "I'm a crazy person!"  But then I remember doing the same thing with Landon.  I couldn't imagine him not being my baby anymore.  I blame it partially on the pregnancy hormones.  Those blasted things!  In all honesty though, it is a strange time of life.  To see your baby growing up and realizing how different everything is going to be soon.  For them and for you.  And you have that moment of worry, 'Can I love another child as much as I love this one?' But the miraculous and wonderful thing is, you can.  I feel like my heart just gets bigger with each one.  What a blessing!